Been internalizing again. Which is good a lot of the time... but sometimes it gets too much.
It's so hard to say goodbye to someone you've loved deeply your whole life. Especially when you promised to be their friend forever.
Saying you'll always be there, always be a faithful friend... and to have to say goodbye? Forever? How do you deal with it?
I don't know how to deal with it. I don't deal with it. But God can, and He does.
There are days when you feel nothing. There is so much to feel, but you don't feel it.
There are days when the simplest thing brings tears to your eyes. Memories pop up, and your heart is wrung anew.
When does it ever end? Will it ever?
I thought time fixed these things.... but somedays the thought of going on through life without this friend... it's too much, and the tears start to come.
It's too much for tears... you want to cry, the tears try to come... but they can't, they don't.
Giving it to God daily is the only thing left, and it has been given daily... but the hurt is still there. The crushing pain comes back at times. Sure, not as much as before, but still.
How is saying goodbye being faithful? When they are going wrong, it's not being faithful to go along. That never helps anyone. But oh how hard it is to make a stand against the wrong when the time comes!
Faithfulness isn't easy! It never will be. But we're required by God to remain faithful to the end regardless.
Being faithful to God is being faithful to friends. More so than staying with them through everything, right or wrong.
Sometimes the pain goes away, and I think maybe it's over. God won a long time ago, but maybe He's seen fit to take away the pain now... then someone posts a song, and that song brings up pictures of days gone by; days that will never be again... then the sudden rush of pain, and tears wanting out comes again. Why?
God has something to teach through the pain. We may not always know what, but there is always a reason for it.
Anymore, He's been teaching me through the memories.
This quote says it best... "We'd never been close, and yet we'd done a lot together... and we had grown older together. It is a sad thing to leave a friend behind, to find one you've admired changed."
Remembering how things used to be, and what I learned through the friendship before it crashed... what I'm learning through the crash...
Seriously, there were things that I would not have learned without that friendship. Things that were said, things that were done, that helped to form what I was two years ago.
Then because of those things, and the "crash" I've learned stuff that has made me what I am now.
The current pain is forming what I'll be in the future.
I don't know what the future holds... but through this, I know better the One Who holds the future.
Praise God for the pain! There is so much to be done, and so much to be learned in order to do it; things we would never learn without the pain.
To quote a song that has really helped me through all of this.... "The Arms that hold the universe are holding you tonight. You can rest inside, it's gonna be alright"
It's not the best grammar or anything, nor is it my favorite style. But that song has really helped me to realize just how personal of a relationship we are to have with Christ. A relationship made stronger through pain.
"You can never know the Christ is all you need, until Christ is all you have."
"Look around and be distressed. Look within and be depressed. Look to Jesus and be at rest." ~ Corrie Ten Boom
"To love Christ more - This is the deepest need, the constant cry of my soul."
"To learn Christ. This is life!" ~ Elizabeth Prentiss