Turning 20 didn't feel any different from being 19. You know, you're the same person one year as you are the next. What's to be different about it?
21 is different. I feel different. I am different. This last year has changed who I am. I'm not what I once was in many respects. But I'm still distressingly, much the same as I was before. But God can change that, and has been. :)
When I turned 20 I didn't feel any more grown up.
Now... being of "legal age" makes me think. Am I "grown up", am I "legal" in God's eyes?
There is so much to "growing up"... take Proverbs 31 for instance. Do I fit yet? I'm not grown up fully until I do...
"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies."
Am I virtuous yet? Sadly, no. Virtue is something I am striving for, but have yet to reach that goal. Is my price far above rubies? Nowhere near.
"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil."
Okay, so I'm not married... (at this point it's probably best that way :P) but can my Dad safely trust in me? Can my friends safely trust in me? In some things... It's all uphill to be trustworthy.
"She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."
Am I doing good? Or am I being lax in my duty as a daughter/sister/friend?
For the most part I have been very lax, to my shame.
"She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands."
Ha! Finally one I could pass on...
"She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar."
I carry the garden produce for a mile... does that count? ;P
"She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens."
Am I cheerfully serving my family, even if it means loss of sleep? Sadly, I don't, not so much as I should.
"She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard."
If this goes for gardening, that's another one I could pass on.
"She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms."
Yes... but still have farther to go.
"She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night."
Again, passable, but far from perfect.
"She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff."
Does learning the skill, but not having done it yet, count? ;P
"She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy."
This is one where, I have the heart for it, but haven't had the opportunity for it so much as I would like.
"She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple."
Again, have the skills, but not putting them into practice so much as I should.
"Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land."
Am I bringing honor to my Dad? That's one I'm uncertain on...
"She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant."
Have the skills... but not putting them to use effectively.
"Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come."
Strength is one thing, but honor... Sure have a long way to go on that...
"She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness."
Uh... can I just skip over this one? *hangs head*
"She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness."
Hm... in ways, but again, could use improvement.
"Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all."
I don't have kids, but was surprised by things my little brother said the other day that go along with this. Dad does praise me far more than I deserve... but I certainly don't excel "them all", in fact, very few.
"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."
Learning that beauty isn't an issue really. Favor... that's one I've got more to learn on. Fearing the Lord has become of great importance, but I've got so far to go on it yet.
"Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."
This is probably the only verse that fits me... as far as things I create and work I do.
So now the sobering fact.... I'm not "grown up" in God's eyes. Growing, yes. But grown? No.
Going into this new year with a great deal of prayer, and seeking wisdom. By God's grace I will be grown in time to come.
Learning and growing,