Hey! Why Is Everyone Still Living?!

 EVERYBODY STOP!!!!! Can't you see the world has ended?! There's nothing left! There's no point in going on! STOP!!  What's wrong with people that they can go on after the world has ended?! 

 It's been forever since I did anything with my blog... and SO much has happened.  There's no way to fit it all in one post, so I might be a while jotting down all I've learned in the last month.  One thing is for sure; even with all the pain, it was worth it.  It was worth it, because God taught me things I never would have learned without these trials. 

 This last month - I can safely say - has been the hardest of my life.   But through the trials and hardships God shows Himself strong, and He "works in ways I cannot see" but they are God's perfect way. I can trust Him. 

 It seems everything that can go wrong, has.  But the thing that has hurt the most is losing two of my best friends. 

 Two friends that knew what was right, that had encouraged me, and others in the right.  Two of the greatest "siblings" there ever was.... two dearest friends that outright lied to me, and to others.   

 After all the talks we had, after all that they said they stood for. All that they helped others make a stand for... they rejected it themselves, and turned from the right.... all in an instant almost.  How? Why?!  What caused it?  Was it me?  Did I fail them somewhere? 

 Just a few months ago I could truthfully say this about both of them.... 

When I enter Heaven's glory

And I see my Savior's face,

I will offer Him ten thousand years of praise.

Then I'll find that special one

In whose life I saw God's Son, 

And thru tears of joy with trembling lips these words I'll say:

"I saw Jesus in you,

I saw Jesus in you,

I could hear His voice in the words you said--

I saw Jesus in you.  

In your eyes I saw His care,

I could see His love was there.

You were faithful, 

And I saw Jesus in you."

 The part that gets me most... "You were faithful, and I saw Jesus in you..." not anymore. Why not?  Why is faithfulness something that is not practiced anymore?    If we are to follow Christ's example - He was faithful - wasn't He?  Why then do we not remain faithful to His cause? To His standard? To His people? 

 There are so many questions swirling through my mind right now.... What happened? Was it me? What did I do? How do I fix it? Where did I go wrong? Did I not encourage them enough? - you name it.  I've been agonizing over them.   Why did this happen?  Why did two of the greatest people suddenly go down?  Why TWO at the same time?! 

 I think the main question going through my mind right now is - Is there repentance for them anymore? or was that it... is there no "second chance"? 

I dreamed I had gone to that cityThat city where never comes nightAnd I saw the bright angels in gloryI saw the fair mansions of lightI gazed for long, long years of raptureOn the face of my Savior so trueAnd I sang with the seraphim holyThen I dreamed I searched Heaven for you.

ChorusI dreamed I searched Heaven for youSearched vainly through Heaven for youOh won't you prepare to meet me up there?Lest we should search Heaven for you.
I looked on both sides of the riverThat flows through the city of GodI searched through bright mansions celestialAnd streets of gold pavement I trodThe faces of saints by the millionI scanned in my yearning to seeThat face I had cherished so fondlyThe face that had grown dear to me.
I asked of ten thousand sweet angelsHave you seen this beloved one, pray tell?Have you met in the bright courts of HeavenThat one whom on earth we loved well?They shook their heads sadly and told meThat they had not seen you, and thenI knew that somewhere in the darknessYou wandered, lost in your sin

 I trusted these two implicitly.  I knew I could.  The one had proved it to me over, and over again that they could be trusted.   But where I went wrong was that I was trusting them more than I was trusting God.  That's one of the most fatal mistakes. 

 As is becoming my normal... I have latched onto another of Ron Hamilton's songs in all of this....

 Abba, Father

Father, hold me safe in Your arms;

Father keep me free from all harm.

I cast my care on You Just like a child should do 

Trusting, loving all that You are.

Abba Father, I rest in You;

You're always faithful, 

You're always true.

Abba, Father, You are my song

Though clouds are dark, 

Though night is long. 

I cry to You, Abba Father.

Father, help me lean on You more 

Through each valley, through ev'ry storm

Help me when I can't see Your will is best for me;

Love me, hold me sheltered and warm.

Abba Father, I rest in You;

You're always faithful, 

You're always true.

Abba, Father, You are my song

Though clouds are dark, 

Though night is long. 

I cry to You, Abba Father.

Father, mold me, make me like new, 

Guide my footsteps, keep my heart true

So that the world may see your like-ness lives in me.

Break me,  shape me, make me like You.

Abba Father, I rest in You;

You're always faithful, 

You're always true.

Abba, Father, You are my song

Though clouds are dark, 

Though night is long. 

I cry to You, Abba Father.

That song is so true for me right now... "Father, help me lean on You more, Through each valley, through ev'ry storm" "You're always faithful, You're always true"  Oh if I could only remember that always.  Oh that I would fully trust Him, and let Him guide me; rather than looking to others in times of trial, and hardship. 

 Friendship is one of the greatest gifts from God... but I was misusing it.  Oh shame to me that I allowed myself to do such a thing!  Rather than relying on God, and being a service to others, I've been relying on others, and being of no service to God. 

 

 You don't realize just how much you love someone, until you lose them... then you see how much you depended on them, rather than God. 

 I don't want to go on relying on others.  Partly because I can't handle the hurt anymore.... But mostly because I want to be pleasing to my Lord. And to be pleasing to Him, I have to follow His commands; and His commands are to trust Him, and be faithful to His cause.   I can't trust Him if I'm not relying on Him. 

When I stand before my Father

To receive my life's reward, 

And my soul is bathed in God's eternal day,

When this race on earth is run,

And God sees the works I've done,

More than anything I long to hear my Father say:

"I saw Jesus in you,

I saw Jesus in you,

I could hear His voice in the words you said--

I saw Jesus in you.  

In your eyes I saw His care,

I could see His love was there.

You were faithful, 

And I saw Jesus in you."

 I can't answer for these two friends.  I can't say what's in their hearts anymore... tho' at one point I probably could have.  But I can, and must answer for me.  Regardless of if they stayed faithful or not, I have to.   

 One thing for certain... God has shown me the importance of faithfulness.  And by God's grace I will remain faithful to Him, and to His people.  No. Matter. What.  

 There comes a point when you have to choose to love someone.  I'm at that point.  And as Mom says "come hell or high water" I'm going to do what's right. I'm going to go God's way. I'm going to love them in spite of all that has happened.  I can't choose for them. I can't explain why they did what they did. But I can make sure I don't fall in the same pit. 

 Alright. I suppose everything is alright. God is in control.  You may all go back to whatever you were doing.  ;) 

   

         Trusting Him

               Hallie