There are many men I count as my brothers. Many of whom I was close to at one time, but now we've gone our separate ways, whether through death, or just the circumstances of life.
I've failed all of you. So badly, I've failed you.
Years ago I made a special point to see to it you got regular, sound, encouragement. I could see some of the things you were up against out in the world, and I wanted you to know that someone was praying, someone was there when you needed.
As many of you began to drift off into a different path in life, and we gradually lost contact, I stopped trying to encourage you. Oh, I kept praying. I'll never stop praying for you - but I failed to reach out and encourage you.
Now I've experienced some of the things you face in the world, and even though God has sent dear friends along the way, I've faced a fair portion of it alone. It's a lot. And eventually, not at all meaning to, I began to give in to the pressure.
I saw the great need for godly young women. There aren't many that are making a conscious effort any more, and now it seems the ones that were, are falling away. I wanted to be the girl that kept the faith, kept fighting no matter what, and stayed true. I haven't done that.
I've begun to compromise a lot... I'm not so staunch as I used to be. And I'm not "there" like I used to be.
There was a time when I viewed every trial as a gift from God as a means of drawing me closer to Himself. Even the really hard stuff - like losing some of my dearest friends, and my family practically being homeless.
The last several years, as the homelessness dragged on, tensions grew, our little guy was taken away, and finally, death came to our door - I did and do, feel so alone, I've neglected reaching out to others. I used to reach through my pain to help others in theirs; now I hide in it.
I've neglected reaching out to you because many have fallen out of contact, and I totally spaced off the fact that some of you may still read this. Even if it's not a personal note - maybe somehow you'll see it.
I've talked much in the past about becoming a Proverbs 31 woman, and how that's the best way to encourage the men around me. I still believe that, probably more so now, than before. But I've failed on that head. I've allowed myself to become bitter and cynical, sarcastic and rude. Not speaking in love, not lending a listening ear, or a helping hand, but instead showing a hard heart and offering bitter words.
I've become a hypocrite in the highest degree.
I don't deserve forgiveness for falling short - which happened rather willfully, since I didn't hardly resist worth mentioning. But if by some chance, I could have another go at it, with God's help, I mean not to let you down again.
Brothers are so special. Easily taken for granted until suddenly you don't have them anymore.
There are many sweet, godly women in my life who I am most grateful for - but up till now, I think some of the greatest lessons God ever taught me came through my brothers, real or "adopted".
I stumbled upon some old communications with "brothers", every one of them made me laugh and cry in turn. Every one of them, whether a serious communication, or some silly joke, meant the world to me, and still does. You men have no idea how much you are loved. You may never know. Just, please, don't mistake silence for not caring.
Please, never give up on what God has called you to. I don't care how hard or impossible it looks right now - never give up on God's call. He gave it to you for a purpose, now go out and do it how only you can do. Go out and own it.
And always remember, even when you feel forgotten, there's at least one person praying for you daily.
Joshua 1:9
Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a god courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.
Philippians 1:3-6
I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now; being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
