Hey! Why Is Everyone Still Living?!

 EVERYBODY STOP!!!!! Can't you see the world has ended?! There's nothing left! There's no point in going on! STOP!!  What's wrong with people that they can go on after the world has ended?! 

 It's been forever since I did anything with my blog... and SO much has happened.  There's no way to fit it all in one post, so I might be a while jotting down all I've learned in the last month.  One thing is for sure; even with all the pain, it was worth it.  It was worth it, because God taught me things I never would have learned without these trials. 

 This last month - I can safely say - has been the hardest of my life.   But through the trials and hardships God shows Himself strong, and He "works in ways I cannot see" but they are God's perfect way. I can trust Him. 

 It seems everything that can go wrong, has.  But the thing that has hurt the most is losing two of my best friends. 

 Two friends that knew what was right, that had encouraged me, and others in the right.  Two of the greatest "siblings" there ever was.... two dearest friends that outright lied to me, and to others.   

 After all the talks we had, after all that they said they stood for. All that they helped others make a stand for... they rejected it themselves, and turned from the right.... all in an instant almost.  How? Why?!  What caused it?  Was it me?  Did I fail them somewhere? 

 Just a few months ago I could truthfully say this about both of them.... 

When I enter Heaven's glory

And I see my Savior's face,

I will offer Him ten thousand years of praise.

Then I'll find that special one

In whose life I saw God's Son, 

And thru tears of joy with trembling lips these words I'll say:

"I saw Jesus in you,

I saw Jesus in you,

I could hear His voice in the words you said--

I saw Jesus in you.  

In your eyes I saw His care,

I could see His love was there.

You were faithful, 

And I saw Jesus in you."

 The part that gets me most... "You were faithful, and I saw Jesus in you..." not anymore. Why not?  Why is faithfulness something that is not practiced anymore?    If we are to follow Christ's example - He was faithful - wasn't He?  Why then do we not remain faithful to His cause? To His standard? To His people? 

 There are so many questions swirling through my mind right now.... What happened? Was it me? What did I do? How do I fix it? Where did I go wrong? Did I not encourage them enough? - you name it.  I've been agonizing over them.   Why did this happen?  Why did two of the greatest people suddenly go down?  Why TWO at the same time?! 

 I think the main question going through my mind right now is - Is there repentance for them anymore? or was that it... is there no "second chance"? 

I dreamed I had gone to that cityThat city where never comes nightAnd I saw the bright angels in gloryI saw the fair mansions of lightI gazed for long, long years of raptureOn the face of my Savior so trueAnd I sang with the seraphim holyThen I dreamed I searched Heaven for you.

ChorusI dreamed I searched Heaven for youSearched vainly through Heaven for youOh won't you prepare to meet me up there?Lest we should search Heaven for you.
I looked on both sides of the riverThat flows through the city of GodI searched through bright mansions celestialAnd streets of gold pavement I trodThe faces of saints by the millionI scanned in my yearning to seeThat face I had cherished so fondlyThe face that had grown dear to me.
I asked of ten thousand sweet angelsHave you seen this beloved one, pray tell?Have you met in the bright courts of HeavenThat one whom on earth we loved well?They shook their heads sadly and told meThat they had not seen you, and thenI knew that somewhere in the darknessYou wandered, lost in your sin

 I trusted these two implicitly.  I knew I could.  The one had proved it to me over, and over again that they could be trusted.   But where I went wrong was that I was trusting them more than I was trusting God.  That's one of the most fatal mistakes. 

 As is becoming my normal... I have latched onto another of Ron Hamilton's songs in all of this....

 Abba, Father

Father, hold me safe in Your arms;

Father keep me free from all harm.

I cast my care on You Just like a child should do 

Trusting, loving all that You are.

Abba Father, I rest in You;

You're always faithful, 

You're always true.

Abba, Father, You are my song

Though clouds are dark, 

Though night is long. 

I cry to You, Abba Father.

Father, help me lean on You more 

Through each valley, through ev'ry storm

Help me when I can't see Your will is best for me;

Love me, hold me sheltered and warm.

Abba Father, I rest in You;

You're always faithful, 

You're always true.

Abba, Father, You are my song

Though clouds are dark, 

Though night is long. 

I cry to You, Abba Father.

Father, mold me, make me like new, 

Guide my footsteps, keep my heart true

So that the world may see your like-ness lives in me.

Break me,  shape me, make me like You.

Abba Father, I rest in You;

You're always faithful, 

You're always true.

Abba, Father, You are my song

Though clouds are dark, 

Though night is long. 

I cry to You, Abba Father.

That song is so true for me right now... "Father, help me lean on You more, Through each valley, through ev'ry storm" "You're always faithful, You're always true"  Oh if I could only remember that always.  Oh that I would fully trust Him, and let Him guide me; rather than looking to others in times of trial, and hardship. 

 Friendship is one of the greatest gifts from God... but I was misusing it.  Oh shame to me that I allowed myself to do such a thing!  Rather than relying on God, and being a service to others, I've been relying on others, and being of no service to God. 

 

 You don't realize just how much you love someone, until you lose them... then you see how much you depended on them, rather than God. 

 I don't want to go on relying on others.  Partly because I can't handle the hurt anymore.... But mostly because I want to be pleasing to my Lord. And to be pleasing to Him, I have to follow His commands; and His commands are to trust Him, and be faithful to His cause.   I can't trust Him if I'm not relying on Him. 

When I stand before my Father

To receive my life's reward, 

And my soul is bathed in God's eternal day,

When this race on earth is run,

And God sees the works I've done,

More than anything I long to hear my Father say:

"I saw Jesus in you,

I saw Jesus in you,

I could hear His voice in the words you said--

I saw Jesus in you.  

In your eyes I saw His care,

I could see His love was there.

You were faithful, 

And I saw Jesus in you."

 I can't answer for these two friends.  I can't say what's in their hearts anymore... tho' at one point I probably could have.  But I can, and must answer for me.  Regardless of if they stayed faithful or not, I have to.   

 One thing for certain... God has shown me the importance of faithfulness.  And by God's grace I will remain faithful to Him, and to His people.  No. Matter. What.  

 There comes a point when you have to choose to love someone.  I'm at that point.  And as Mom says "come hell or high water" I'm going to do what's right. I'm going to go God's way. I'm going to love them in spite of all that has happened.  I can't choose for them. I can't explain why they did what they did. But I can make sure I don't fall in the same pit. 

 Alright. I suppose everything is alright. God is in control.  You may all go back to whatever you were doing.  ;) 

   

         Trusting Him

               Hallie

Oh To Be Like... Grass?

 Yes, the title looks strange... but so am I. So there you have it ;)

 Just today I asked God to show me something in all of this mess... these messes. (I can never keep it down to just one mess... :P)  This is what came to mind...

 Grass: It grows everywhere.   We use it to feed our animals; to help stop erosion; to make our lawns pretty.  It's something soft to walk on.  It's pretty.

 Ever think about how the grass grows?  

 We walk on it.  Yet it springs back and still grows....
 We cut it continually.  Yet it grows...
 The wild winds blow over it and lay it flat. Yet it stands up tall again as if nothing happened...
 The wild fires burn it.  Yet it always grows back... grows better, and greener...

 When we walk on it, it gets crushed flat.  Goodness, can you imagine the weight issue there? It's so much smaller than us.  When it gets crushed, I mean, it's crushed.  But it always comes up again...

 So should we when trials come.  We get crushed flat... but God still wants us to grow.  We still have to spring back, and keep growing.

 We cut the grass... the tips we cut off go down by the roots and go back into the soil.  The nutrients that went into the tips now go back into the soil, and make growing conditions better.   But that's not to say getting cut so often doesn't hurt...

 God is always having to cut off our "tips" so we'll grow right. So we'll be fit for His purpose.  It hurts!! But it has to be done.  Those things help us to grow in Him.

 The wild winds blow over the grass... yet after each gust, it stands up tall again. Just to be knocked over with the next... The wind lays it flat.  Sometimes even cracks it off at the base.  But what's left always stands back up...   Some stems stand tall no matter how hard the blast... they just stand there and quiver.  
 There is no protection from the wind when it's out on the prairie.  It stands fully exposed.  When the wind hits it, over it goes... but it never stays over.  Never.

 When the winds of sorrow, and trouble sweep over us, we're laid flat.  It looks like the end... but through God's strength we can stand up tall again, and glorify Him.
 Whatever gets cracked off was meant to be. It wasn't good for that to stay. It hurts! But what's left of us needs to pick ourselves back out of the dirt, and praise Him anyway.

 Some of us just stand in the "wind and storm" and quiver... some are just stronger that way.  But there will come a time of calm after the storm when the quivering stops, and there is rest.

 God doesn't always shield us from the "winds" or sorrow, or trouble. But He always sees us through. Always.

 The fires come raging through the field, and burn up the grass. There is nothing left... but roots.  And it always grows back better, and greener.  It comes back healthier.
 The fire burns off the dead, and dry. The unneeded, unwanted stems.  It burns off all that is visible of the plant.  But when the fire comes it burns all that to ash, which goes back into the soil and helps the grass to grow better.

 When the fiery trials come, it burns off the dross.  All the unneeded, icky sins, unwanted impurities. All the faults and foibles... and all the energy and hard work that has gone into "growing" those, goes back into our "roots"....... we grow better because of it. We learn from it.


 All that the grass goes through... yet it's silent.  It never screams out at God for making it that way.  It never screams out at God for allowing it get walked on and crushed. It never complains about the wind and the fire.  It never complains about being trimmed.  It just silently grows, and continues to serve Him with everything in it.

 So, back to the title... Oh to be like grass!

 To go through trials and testings, and never complain.
 Never worry.
 Never falter.

 Just stand up again.
 And Keep. Growing.


       Hallie

Waiting... Still...

 So, everything has flipped upside down.   My worst fears are happening right before my eyes.... I can't do a thing about it... just have to stand back and watch. 

 The world could end today and I wouldn't care.    The pain is so intense.... yet I feel nothing... how can that be? 

 There is nothing left... and yet it's still being taken away.   Thought I had surrendered... why this? 

 When you give your all, where does God find the "more" to be purged? 

 Walking as one in a fog.  I feel like the "end" has come... but the worst is yet to be. 

 How can it get worse?  It's like walking in a fog, uncertain of where the cliff is. You know you're close... but can't stop walking. 

 Waiting for the "crash"... but through it all God has given such a peace. 

 I'm not one to give in, and cry. I'm not one to admit defeat.  But this has driven me weeping, to my knees so often of late. 

 How many times can one be broken before it kills them?  How many times does one have to give their all, before it's enough? 

 God has brought me to the "breaking point" and I feel crushed beneath the weight of the load I have to bear.  But at the same time He keeps showing my he's right here... He's helping to carry it.  I'm not alone... my Savior walks beside me....

 This passage really stood out to me.  It speaks exactly what I feel, and think. 

 Psalm 55:4-8

My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me.
Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me.
And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.
Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah.
I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.

 And these verses really got me...

 Psalm 55:12-14

 For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him:
But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.
We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.

 In all the pain, I've been forced to cry out for help.  And He has answered me.... not only with that still small voice... but with scriptures.  Verses that come up in conversation; verses that I see at random flipping through the Bible; verses that come in random emails; verses in random places.  They all confirm to me that God hears, and answers prayer. And He's answering this one too....

 Verses such as these....

Psalm 21:1-2

The king shall joy in thy strength, O Lord; and in thy salvation how greatly shall he rejoice!

Thou hast given him his heart's desire, and hast not withholden the request of his lips. Selah.

 Psalm 145:19

He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them.

 Romans 8:27-28

And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.


 And with those verses came this "message"... "Prayer in the spirit is a powerful weapon"  Yes... yes it is...

 Anymore it seems easier to just give up and walk away... but it says in Phillipians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

 I will carry on.  I have the promise in Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

 God is good, and He is still in control... it may hurt. It may seem like the "end"... but He keeps whispering to me "It's not over... I'm still in this. I'm still in control. Wait, and see. Be still and know that I am God."

 1 Samuel 12:7
Now therefore stand still, that I may reason with you before the Lord of all the righteous acts of the Lord, which he did to you and to your fathers.

 Ruth 3:18
Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day. 

 Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

Psalm 37:34
Wait on the Lord, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.


   Still serving the Father.
     Hallie

Prentiss Poem

 A friend posted this poem... Mrs. Prentiss had a way of saying exactly what I feel, and have been learning. :)

The Safe Place

I went to Jesus with a prayer
      Upon a suppliant's knee;
Low at His cross I laid me down,
      Nor asked His face to see,
Yet whispered in His ear the tale
      No mortal ear could bear:
The story of a faithless heart,
      And of its self-despair.

I told Him how my feet had slipped,
      How often gone astray;
How oft my heart refused to love,
      My lips refused to pray.
In stammering words that none but He
      Hearing could understand,
I made complaint of careless work
      Done by a careless hand.

Of wasted hours, of idle words,
      Of love oft waxing dim,
Of silence when a warmer heart
      Had testified of Him.
I owned my weak and selfish ways;
      How often all day long,
Moanings and sighs had filled His ears
      To whom I owed a song.
And what said He? What whispered words
      Responded unto mine?
Did He reproach me? Did His love
       On me refuse to shine?

Nay, thus He spoke, and bent Him low
      To reach my anxious ear,
My child, thou doest well to lie
      As thou art lying here ;
I knew thy human weakness, knew
      Each lurking bosom sin,
Knew it, and yet in loving grace
      Thy heart I stooped to win.

I knew that thou wouldst often fall,
      Poor work for Me wouldst do,
Wouldst give Me only half thy love,
      Give praises faint and few.
And yet I choose thee. Be content
      And since thou canst not fly
To heights by dearer souls attained,
      Let it suffice to lie

Here at My feet; it is the place
      To which My loved ones flee;
They find it sweet, and so shalt thou;
      'Tis a safe place for thee.
Yes, it is sweet, and it is safe!
      And here will I abide;
Sinful, and yet forgiven, sad,
      And yet so satisfied.

~ Elizabeth Prentiss

Kingdom Musings

 Alright. So the last several posts have been how God has been helping me with my struggles and trials of late.

 Now it's time for something a little deeper....

 It seems so many think that we, as Christians should not get involved in trying to take back our culture, because it's not only a lot of work; but it's also "the end times" which means it won't be worth the trouble to do all that it would take to redeem our culture before Christ should return, and make it all better anyway.

 Here are my thoughts on the matter...

 I believe that Christians should get involved in trying to take back our culture.  It may be "sticky"... but Christ died for the people in the world; who are we to let them go because "it can't be helped"?

 Sure the Antichrist will come... but shouldn't we be more concerned for the souls of men who will be deceived, if we aren't busy about the Lord's work in taking back the culture?

 The Bible commands it.  So, even if God ordered us into a losing battle, still we must fight, because out Almighty Captain sent us.

 He never sends us to fight a battle that He, Himself will not fight along with us.  And, we know from the Word that He wins in the end.

 Even the greatest General in all of history could never have won a single battle, without soldiers fighting under his standard.

 The same with Christ.

 If called to a physical war, what would you think of the man who would shrink back from the fight because he was uncertain that he would survive the battle?

 So it is in God's army.  We are sure of victory.

 Wether we survive the fight or not makes no difference; because living or dying, we win!

 So yeah, it gets sticky... what of it?
 We have our orders.  What is there to do but to obey?

 I think the idea that it gets worse and worse, comes from everyone thinking it is the "end time".

 Everyone is so focused on the end of the world coming, that they don't have eyes for the work that has yet to be done!

 If you look at history, those that were burned at the stake for spreading the Gospel and such... they thought it was the end then! 

 We know now that it wasn't.  So when the like happens now, who are we to say it is the end now?

 Christ said to occupy till He comes....

 That leaves no room for hiding out until we see Him descending from the clouds.

 There is much that needs to be done yet!!!   Let's not shrink from the work He has for us.

 Those who suffered for the sake of Christ did not give up because.... it was the end, nothing could be done, it was destined to happen... they took up their cross, and followed Him!  What is our excuse?!

 Hebrews 12:1-2
 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

 I am in no way saying it is positively not the end times.  What I am saying is to stand fast on Gods word, and nothing can stop us in our endeavors to serve Christ. 

 Stand, strong and immovable.  Christ is still on the throne. In His strength we will conquer!


       To God be the glory
              Hallie

To God Be The Glory

 Here I feel the need to write another post... but haven't the slightest idea of what to say. :P 

 So, here goes nothing ;)

 God has been teaching many lessons of late. But the one foremost in my mind at the moment is Patience. 

 Now, I'm certain most of you know what a big deal patience is for me.... I am by no means, patient. :P 
 But, that doesn't stop God from teaching it to me. Goodness knows how much I need to learn it. :} 

 The other day, the pain from these present trials was so intense, I didn't know where to go, or what to do... except to God, and to surrender it all over again. 

 I have trouble surrendering things. Because I always like the silly sense of security in thinking I still have some sort of say over my future. 
 That is very silly. Because I've never had any say. God has always had final say.  But He holds back His best, until we are willing to give Him our all. 

 So, I've been learning to give it all to Christ.  But leaving it there, and not worrying about it anymore has been a problem. 

 Now that I've given it, I need to trust it to Him, and know that His choice is best.  No matter how much it hurts right now. In the end it will be worth it. 

 Giving my future and all over to Christ has been a great relief... but I get impatient at times.  I see things happening with others, and I want it fixed now! 

 Lately I've seen how I trust Him with myself, and my future... but I have trouble trust others to Him.  
 I almost don't care what happens to me in the future. Just so long as those around me come out okay.  

 This is where I have yet to learn patience. ;)  

 The other day, in the intensity of the pain, I asked God to show me what was coming next in all of this....  He led me to....

 Proverbs 25:2
       
         It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honour of kings is to search out a matter. 

 That was sufficient to shut me up. :P 

 What right do I have to ask what is next? Can't I trust Him with the future as I could the past? 

 So, in all the hurt, and the uncertainties... I can trust, and rest in God. And be patient, and wait on His timing.  

 As of yet, everything that has happened on His time, has been the best.  I can wait for it. :) 

 Also, been asking for the strength to make it through this, the worst trial I've had as of yet... then this promise of God comes to mind....

 Isaiah 40:31

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. 

 With such promises, how can I be restive under His restraining hand? Is He not all powerful? Is He not enough?  He will bring it all to an end in His time. And oh! what a happy consummation of so much worry, fear, and heartache. :D

  To God be the glory. Not only in pain, grief and heartache... but also in joy, love and hope. :D

       Hallie

Joy In Sorrow

 Well, here it's been quite some time since I've posted last... but so much has happened. So much has been learned.

 I hear people talking about going through tough trials, and how "the crash" hasn't hit yet... but it will soon enough.

 Well.  I've now experienced "the crash" and know for certain I don't want it anymore. :P

 Of all the trials God has been leading me through, this is the hardest.  I just want it all to end.... not the work God is doing... but my own silliness, and childish ways.

 I've never been able to cry much when things happen to warrant it.  But as one friend said - God will fix that - when she said it, I thought, Yeah right. I don't cry.   Ha! Guess I had another think coming. :P

 In all of my past trials, I could hide them. I could keep from crying. I could go on as if nothing happened.   But not this time.

 This time the pain is too much to bear alone.  This time the tears won't be held back. They force their way out.

 In all the pain, in all the fear, and sadness... the depression, and loneliness; God has made Himself more real to me than ever before.   He's not some distant being that we pray to every morning, hoping He'll somehow hear us.  He's a friend, a brother that's right here. He's here holding me through all of this.  Not only holding my hand walking me through... but carrying me as well. :)

 This morning I couldn't hold in any more. After all the pain this week has brought, I had to let myself cry.   So I smothered it in my pillow, and cried out to God.

 Lately I've learned to stop asking for the trial to be removed... but rather to be asking for strength to carry on.

 This morning, with my head buried in my pillow, smothering the sobs, hoping nobody else could hear them; I got to the point where God has been trying to bring me... and for the first time in my life, I admitted I can't handle this on my own.  For the first time ever, I asked for help.

 I don't ask for help.  It just doesn't seem right.   But this time it got so bad, I literally asked God to either help me carry the load, or to kill me.  I can't go on another step without Him.

 In asking for answers to some questions that have come up in all of this... I did what I've never done before, and told God I was going to open my Bible, and the first two verses that met my eyes, I would take as His answer to these questions.

 I've always thought it was rather presumptuous to say that... but you know. It's God's word. His word is unchanging.  It applies to all of life. Why then would we not be able to find His answer in His word?

 So I picked up my Bible, and looked at the edges of the pages.  There was a slight gap between some pages in the middle. There's always slight gaps between pages... but this gap caught my eye.

 When I opened it at the gap, my eyes lighted on the middle of the first page... it was Psalm 21:1-2 which reads thus -

 The king shall joy in thy strength, O Lord; and in thy salvation how greatly shall he rejoice!
 Thou hast given him his heart's desire, and hast not withholden the request of his lips. Selah.

Wow!  After all that weeping, feeling anything but joyful, admitting weakness, and thinking my requests were impossible; god gave me that answer!   How then can I not rejoice?  He is so good to them that love Him!

 With an answer like that, I know He hasn't forgotten me, and will carry me through this trial. :)
 But it doesn't end there.  You all go through these trials too... He's there for every one of you. :)  He loves us all. :)

 So even though my heart wants to break. Even though I can't carry on another step. Even though it would be easier to die. The pain is too much... God is still on the Throne, and He walks with me every step of the way. :)


                To God be the glory.
                         Hallie